But I wasn’t about to accept the first guy that came my way. I constantly worried about talking and acting perfectly.I was polite and naïve, so I replied to any guy who didn’t message me with “Hey” or “You’re hot”. Mainly, it’s about physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and adding enjoyment to your life. If you can’t honestly say ‘yes’ to those questions, you might need to lose weight. I focused on pleasing everybody and making them like me. I tried to lose weight because my mother wanted me to.I didn’t build up the courage to tell him until over a year after we met. My questions danced between two topics: did he know I liked him, and was it possible for him to like me, or someone like me—a fat girl. I wasn’t being subtle and yet he had made no counter-move.When I confessed how I felt, he replied that he’d known the whole time. And, he’d known my feelings about him for over a year and never said anything. At the time, I told myself I wasn’t being obvious enough.I dwindled down my conversations to a handful who were smart, thoughtful and intriguing. If you can honestly say ‘yes’ to all those questions, you don’t need to lose weight to date. That’s not the way to find friends or maintain healthy relationships. I tried to lose weight because I thought I would make more friends.And one of those conversations turned into how I met my husband. To stop worrying about others, I needed to start focusing on myself. I tried to lose weight because I thought that’s what society wanted. I’ve worried about others’ opinions for the majority of my life.Yet I forgot the opinion that mattered most—my opinion of myself.
I was interested in giving a relationship with Mike a try, yet I was afraid.Looking back, I hated myself too much to be able to give anybody else anything but hate.Before you enter a relationship, you need to be able to give yourself what you want to give another.I was more attractive because I cared about myself and what I put into my body.The number of messages I received on OKCupid confirmed that I had something valuable to offer. True, I still had some weight to lose and wasn’t completely confident in myself.I rationalized that he talked to me because he enjoyed poking fun at me.